Wellness Wednesdays: On self-compassion and learning your love languages

Counseling Services is offering another Wellness Wednesday tip today. This one comes from Ervina Kajno, a graduate intern at Salve Regina’s Counseling Services for the 2020-21 academic year.

Kajno recently received her master’s in clinical psychology at William James College and is in her third year of her doctoral training. She is seeking to help many of the students who seek counseling services by applying a “person-centered” approach. Kajno is very excited to share the year with Salve Regina students and provide any tips or advice that she feels will be useful toward improving the overall quality of life and lead to increased happiness in the Salve Regina community.

Below, Kajno provides a video and some more written words about self-compassion and love languages.

Video: Self-compassion and learning your love languages

In the video, Kajno provides a brief description on self-compassion and the benefits that it can have on our mental and emotional well-being. The video also includes some tips on how to foster self-compassion in day to day life. One of these techniques involves taking a quiz to discover one’s love languages, which Kajno also writes about more in depth below.

More thoughts on learning your love languages from Ervina Kajno

In a world that pulls us in various directions and leaves little room for self-care and love, taking some time for ourselves to foster self-care and self-love is one of the bravest things we can do. In general, there are five potential love languages that we can have and they all encompass the way that we show love toward others as well the manner in which we would like to feel or cared for.

The 5 possible Love Languages that we can have are:

• Quality Time
• Physical Touch
• Acts of Service
• Words of Affirmation
• Receiving Gifts

To make this easier for you all, I have included a brief guide on what each love language means for you and how you can apply it in day to day life.

Individuals with quality time as their primary love language tend to value full and undivided attention above all else. They often tend to prefer for their loved ones or significant others to spend more time with them, maintain good eye contact and be more attentive to their needs. Some ways that you can practice this for yourself day to day is to carve some time for yourself in the day to do something that you love, unplug or disconnect from electronics and social media, listen to your body and your own needs and voice your own needs as well.

If your love language happens to be physical touch, then you feel most loved or appreciated by others when they engage in any form of physical contact with you such as giving you a hug or holding your hand. Some ways that you can apply this for yourself are holding your hands to your chest or by performing a guided mediation that is centered toward this.

If your love language involves acts of service, then you feel most loved by performing acts of kindness toward others or having others perform acts of kindness toward you. Some examples of this include giving away to charity, engaging in volunteer work or simply doing something kind for loved ones and strangers. Giving gifts or compliments to others can be considered as acts of kindness toward others or yourself.

For individuals who have words of affirmation as a love language tend to feel more valued or loved when they receive compliments or hear that they are loved. Some ways that you can practice this for yourself is by looking in the mirror in the morning and telling yourself that you love yourself and give yourself some encouraging words. If you find that you struggle with this, try and talk to yourself in the way that you would to someone (friend, family, significant other) that you deeply love or admire.

Lastly, if your love language is receiving gifts, then you are someone who feels most loved and appreciated when they receive thoughtful gifts from others. Examples of this can include receiving flowers, candy or even a thoughtful card or message from someone that lets you know how much they think of you. If you wished that someone you love would send you a thoughtful gift, then you don’t have to look any further. Send yourself some flowers or candy with a wonderful card attached to it.

If you wish to obtain more in-depth information on the 5 Love Languages and some useful meditation videos related to this topic of self-compassion and love, I have included some sources below that you can access:

• “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” by Gary Chapman
• Love Language Quiz
• YouTube: Connect to Yourself Guided Meditation

Written by Ervina Kajno

If an undergraduate student is looking for support or mental health tips during this time, please visit the Counseling Services website or email counselingservices@salve.edu. Counseling Services also has an Instagram account where they offer various mental health tips, so follow along!

This article is part of a regular series called Wellness Wednesdays on SALVEtoday. Check out more posts related to health and wellness here.

Featured photo by Getty Images/masterzphotois